I have met four cardiologists in the past two months. No, I do not have coronary heart disease. My awesome parents are just looking for lifelong medical insurance in the form of human beings (i.e., my potential suitors).
It has been well known for decades now that Asians have trodden the path of progress in accurately identifying what we need and hence, making every decision for us. The subcontinental cultures in particular have successfully proven the Darwinian evolutionary theory of natural selection which is evident in their expression of ‘curry’ traits generation after generation. Here, I will outline the ‘curry’ traits that they exhibit and how these traits make our daily lives in an Asian household sweet and spectacular.
If you are South-Asian, you do not need to decide your future career at all. My future career has been decided for me since the nanosecond I arrived in this beautiful world – a doctor. How cool is that? Furthermore, your family will make sure that you do not become misguided into exhibiting any infinitesimal weight of interest in anything besides medicine. No, this technologically advanced world does not need a computer science hippie because then, the world will run out of doctors despite the one million South-Asian students that graduate from medical colleges every year. The world definitely does not need some bohemian marine biologists because the doctors will be able to treat the oceans besides humans. If you catch sight of any aquatic pollution, immediately call a doctor, and let them know that the ocean is having a heart attack.
Looking for some fashion advice? Behold, the greatest fashion stylists of this universe and all millenniums – our Asian elders. Did you know that your undercut hairstyle makes your hair look like an uneven, mutated mane of a horse? I have also learned that after I dyed my hair white-blonde, I became the spitting image of my grandparents’ forefathers on their deathbeds. Moreover, the idea of baggy clothes must be made obsolete since it makes you look like the “clothes thief of India” who hides them under their sweaters. So, unfollow Lady Gaga and Jennifer Lopez on Instagram today! Follow my grandmother, as she knows better than them.
If you do not have at least seventy cousins, stop reading. This is not for you. Your Asian household can never be exciting if your father does not compare you with your cousin Jamal and ask you why he scored more than you on the Mathematics test despite you living in town and him crossing the Bay of Bengal every day, with grains on one shoulder and his school bag on another, to reach school and at the same time provide for his family.
And that, ladies, and gentlemen, is the Suite Life in an Asian household of a Brown Human. I will never know what my would-have-been cardiologist husband meant by, “give me a chance, and I will steal your heart”. Whether or not he was being literal is a mystery for now. Stay tuned with Keeping Up with the Asians for more updates!
About the Author
Nusrat Zahan is a third-year undergraduate student pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree at the Memorial University of Newfoundland. She has been exposed to the South-Asian and Middle-Eastern cultures since birth. Comedy has been a significant part of her life for a long time now. During her free time, she loves to watch sitcoms or work on some satirical/comedy piece. In this piece of satirical writing, she has discussed some of the common situations modern South-Asian teenage girls encounter.
